The devil inside

I just returned home from watching this movie. I regret it. Wish I never went. That is all!

Just checking in!

Ok it's me again. I have had a very interesting week. I love to cook so I have been trying a bunch of new recipes. My food usually does not have a name because I make it up as I go. If I like it I cook it agin later if not it is scratched. I have a fantastic fruit salad that I stole form a vineyard in Venice. It was used to clear the palate between wine tastings, I actually added a few things and subtracted a few others and now it is actually a fav of mine and the family. I left home at the age od 14 a nerd and very book smart but not at all knowlegeable in the kitchen. When I started dating I would call my mom and she would walk me through meals as I attempted to cook them. As I matured and traveled with the military I experiened more foods that I wanted. I would try to recreate them and thus became a foodie. I really like watching coking shows I rarely get the opportunity because I am so busy with everything else life has handed me. I am very strong with the meal and salad but I can use a little help with the dessert side. I want to put together a cook book but will not do that until I have a dessert section. The church I attend has a potluck every other month and we have potlucks at well. So that allows me to "test" my foods on people and get their feedback. Why am I saying this, I have no idea but in the near future I will pos a few recipes that you have my permission to try, I only ask that you leave me feedback.Until next time, take care of you as I attempt to do the same. Peace!

He needs me to be his wife

This question is often asked,
What’s your favorite holiday?
Or for you which day of the week is the shit?

Never is it asked,
What is the one day in the year,
That you wish you could skip?

When asked about my holidays,
I sit and think over Christmas, New Years,
Thanksgiving and Halloween.

Veteran day and valentines day,
They even seem cool to me.

But then I realize the one day that I dread.
October 26,
That day sticks out in my head.

Defending my country, doing what I do…
When the Red Cross called my captain,
To tell me some bad news.

Is it my kids, oh my God what is wrong?
It couldn’t be Gary,
We just got off the phone.

Over to the Captains quarters,
I trot…almost ran.
Passing many officers,
I forgot to salute my hand.

Trying to stand in attention,
My heart is beating fast.
My body is shaking so badly,
I may just fall on my ass.

Gotta keep that military bearing,
Give that Captain his dues.
I couldn’t look him in his face,
I just stared at his shoes.

It was only about 20 seconds,
But it felt like a year.
He said “I have some news to tell you”
”That’s why I called you here”

He tells me he has gotten a call,
And Gary is dead.
Someone broke into our Florida home
And shot him in the head.

I have so many questions,
But I can’t say a word.
If I could be an animal,
I wish I could be a bird.

He releases me to go to my tent,
And gather up my things.
I’m trying to hold my composure,
But I keep looking at my ring.

He can’t be dead, he can’t be,
I need him in my life.
I need him to be my husband…
He needs me to be his wife.

Poetic Colab

From Mr. Matthew J Anders

I am the son ( sun ) descended along the heavens glare amongst the break of day end


shedding light from with in

dark florescent skin

where my soul essence present through out my pen

revising spiritual hems

along a pool of words

where I feel free to swim

diving in salt waters without fins

splashing substance purified along lakes coming forefront toward sins

where I drowned again & again

but still ressed to flow like wave currents
coming full surface objective to tsunami

pulling at force of wind

where I loose shape

crashed along this collision of trials & tribulations
where I took a fender bend


blessed along the grace of god where my fate rest with him

spoken with in emotion blind through out vision

set forth at distance like being far sited gaining closer
where it all depends like per scripted recommended ultra lens

along this chain of fire reaching higher

surpass barbwire

where statistics conquer an empire

strain behind bars & welfare to keep unemployed then hired

to bring judgment toward where fate requires

death falling in the hands of the electric chair to forever be marked a liar

like change can never result slain to forgive a man with out prosecution at slaughter like Michael Myers

spoken in the same breath as Tookie Williams

where became a changed man

but his verdict couldn't fall in the game plan of him ever seeing life again

trying to patch up past mistakes with fixed hands

but isn't life based off forgiving & forgetting

when it was pilgrims who robbed the Indians of there living

the holocaust that brought war raged comities

to our inner cities

taking a squat on ethnic mixing


where u wouldn't want your race to date out side of it

so stop the bullshitting

as we need to stop exterminating

unity relating

stereo typical views where you've been evaluating

pride set aside the hating

& put a halt at flat
where violence raging

to result to world war 3 in the making

tracing more of our troops stationed in Iraq

pacing foot steps awaiting

loosing patience

viewing patients

My response:

I much rather gleam among the night

I go away peacefully as you approach

My focus is that of the innocent soul

Where all longs for someone else to hold

Through fear of maybe getting to old

This life is no longer for the living

But more so focused on what and who is giving

Maybe the joy of totally flipping

As in losing your mind

Trying to find

The one that will be there and last a lifetime

Seeking sin to receive guilty pleasures

Excited beyond measures

But follows wherever

This mind will wander to a limitless end

Searching in darkness to find a friend

But to be true to self

Is to only be self

Not visible to the naked eye

Too many will start to cry

For the search is an endless one

Yet we live in this life of unprecedented crime

Where punishment is received but rarely is it prime

But in the skin of the dark

The truth is untouched

The past shall be paid in full

The legal lesson of course

Where authorities can brutally murder

And have no remorse

The basis of which is placed on four fathers

Or should I say fore-fathers

But whose fathers are these

The fathers of our nation

Not the father of this generation

Difference in skin and also beliefs

What then shall we say?

Is true ethics based?

He's Calling

I hear the phone ringing,
Should I answer?
What does he have to say this time?

WIll he seduce me into letting him in?
Will he tell me I'm the only one?
Or will he just tell the same old lies again?

Why is my heart so weak for this man?
Why is it so easy for me to run,
In the same direction that caused so much pain?

Am I crazily asking to hurt again?

Should I answer or not, what should I do?

I can't make a decision I'm asking you.

Help me....

He's calling.

Racquel (Kel) Gilbert

Copyright 1993 All right reserved

A Mommy's Prayer

Dear Lord, It's such a hectic day,

With little time to stop and pray,

For Life's been anything but calm,

Since You called me to be a Mom,

Running errands, matching socks,

Building dreams with matching blocks,

Cooking, cleaning, finding shoes,

And other stuff that children lose,

Fitting lids on bottled bugs,

Wiping tears and giving hugs,

A stack of last week's mail to read,

So where's the quiet time I need?

Yet, when I steal a moment, Lord,

Just at the sink or ironing board,

To ask the blessings of Your grace,

I see them, in my small one's face,

That you have blessed me

All the while --

And I stoop to kiss

That precious smile.

~~ Author Unknown ~~

Start All over Again!

Start All Over Again
my heart is sending out signals of distress, for it longs to be in love
my soul is singing out a song of liberation, for it longs to be free
longing
wanting
wanting to love and to be loved freely
free from guilt
free from hurt
free from uncertainty
free from lies
unrestricted
the kind of love depicted in fairy tales
I hear that even the most masculine males, long for this
throwing loose change into wishing wells
wishing to find my best friend
don't wanna hold any more secrets
just holding hands
while taking long walks
engaging in long talks
sharing long lasting love making
where entangled together, our bodies move until we stop
and with no more energy to spare, ...we,.... just lie there
holding each other so tight our breaths become one
our hearts so close, together they make a beat for our souls to dance to
I wanna wipe away tears of pain and of joy
because in life there will be both
growing old with someone
taking the good with the bad
laughing about the times we had
looking forward to the ones to come
but right now,... numb is my heart
it feels nothing but sadness
sadness for the love I had that was taken away
sadness for the mistakes
even sadness for not taking advantage of the opportunity I have right now
and this is were freedom comes in
i have to make myself free to mourn
free to have these feelings of regret
i need the freedom to say to myself it's okay for me cry
it's okay to feel like everything is falling apart around me
and when all the destruction is over
it's okay to pick up the pieces and start all over again
it's okay to still show the scars of the past
but wear them not in shame but as amour
for it shows that my heart and my soul are not weak
and that even through the hurt
even through the pain
even through the longing
and the wanting
they are still there,
intact
and willing to pick up the pieces and love all over again.

Full Service

Full Service

It's raining today,
I'm like "what the fuck...
I just got my hair done,
I don't want to mess it up.

You walk over to me,
And begin to speak.
You open my door,
As if you know me.

No words from your mouth,
But your expression I read.
You pull out your tool,
Just to let me see.

The curve of the nozzle,
Fits right in the whole,
I hear fluid rushing,
Man go for the gold.

Yet, I still have,
This big grin on my face.
But the look you give,
Shows you are running out of space.

Listen baby,
"Once you get it filled up.
Just pull it out and,
Put it in my trunk."

"Wow",
That's about all I can say.
I am so excited,
And still don't know your name.

You have made my day,
This much is true.
You filled up my tank,
For that, thank you.

Wait a minute....

Reader this next question,
Is addressed to you.
You knew I was talking about gas....
Didn't you?

Author: Racquel (Kel) Gilbert
Posted by: Miljowil

Portrait of a Godly Woman Prov 31

What are your views on the following article?

For thousands of years, God-fearing women have looked to the noble, or virtuous (KJV), woman of Proverbs 31 as their ideal. Mary, the mother of Jesus Christ, probably had this role model of the virtuous woman in the forefront of her mind from earliest childhood. Most Jewish women did, for this poem was traditionally recited in the Jewish home every week on the eve of the Sabbath.
But what about today's woman? Of what value can this ancient poem be to the diverse, complex life-styles of women today? To the married, to the single, to the young, to the old, to those working outside the home or inside the home, to those women with children or without children? It is more relevant than you might at first expect — although it is also too good to be true.
When we examine this ancient biblical ideal of womanhood, we do not find the stereotyped housewife occupied with dirty dishes and laundry, her daily life dictated by the demands of her husband and her children. Nor do we find a hardened, overly ambitious career woman who leaves her family to fend for itself.
What we find is a strong, dignified, multitalented, caring woman who is an individual in her own right. This woman has money to invest, servants to look after and real estate to manage. She is her husband's partner, and she is completely trusted with the responsibility for their lands, property and goods.
She has the business skills to buy and sell in the market, along with the heartfelt sensitivity and compassion to care for and fulfill the needs of people who are less fortunate. Cheerfully and energetically she tackles the challenges each day brings. Her husband and children love and respect her for her kind, generous and caring nature.
But with all her responsibilities, first and foremost, she looks to God. Her primary concern is God's will in her life. She is a woman after God's own heart. Let's examine the characteristics of this remarkable woman — a role model for Christian women today.

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"A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies." The Hebrew word chayil, translated here "noble," or "virtuous" (KJV), means a wife of valor — a strong, capable woman with strong convictions. This description of the ideal wife does not agree with those who associate femininity with weakness and passivity.
"Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value." Her husband trusts her management of their resources. Her industriousness adds to the family income.
"She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life." This woman does not do right only when it is convenient and profitable. Her actions are not based on how she is treated by others or by what others think. Her character is steady. She is reliable and dependable.
"She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands." This woman enjoys working so much that she plans ahead for what she needs in order to accomplish her responsibilities.
"She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar." The trait not to settle for the mediocre is portrayed by a woman who goes the extra mile for quality items.
"She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls." Though the woman described here has servants to take care of many of the household duties, she sets the pace. She understands that good managers have a responsibility to take care of those under their authority. That is one of her top priorities.
"She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard." Every woman doesn't have to go into real estate and horticulture — the principle here is that this woman uses her mind. She does not act on a whim, but logically analyzes a situation before making a decision. Her goals are not only short term — she envisions the long-range benefits of her decisions.
"She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks." We get a picture of a woman who vigorously goes about her duties. She keeps herself healthy and strong by proper health practices — good diet, adequate rest and exercise. Many people depend on her.
"She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night." She knows that her merchandise is good and takes pride in doing a good job. Night or day, no one worries that her responsibilities are not taken care of.
"In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers." The example she sets is one of skill and industriousness. Whether this woman would be a computer programmer, a concert pianist, a mother, or all three, she develops her talents and hones her skills through education and diligent application.
"She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy." Although it's good to donate to needy causes, this means far more than writing a check. This woman shows personal concern. She visits the sick, comforts the lonely and depressed, and delivers food to those in need.
"When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet." Providing clothing for the family is one of her responsibilities. She takes this seriously, and plans ahead. She does not practice crisis management.
"She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple." This woman has high standards and dresses properly for the occasion.
"Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land." This man does not have to spend half his time trying to straighten out problems at home, and his success in the social world comes partly from her support, just as her success comes partly from his support. The original woman of Proverbs 31 couldn't phone her husband for his opinion on matters. She made many of the day-to-day decisions about their property and goods. He trusted her to manage the estate efficiently.
"She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes." This woman runs a business from her home. Her efforts and industry add to the family income.
"Strength and honor are her clothing; she shall rejoice in time to come" (NKJV). Not only does this woman benefit each day from her wise and diligent actions, long-term lifetime benefits and rewards lie in store for her.
"She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue." This woman is well read and has the facts. She knows what she is talking about. Whether about her job, her personal values or her opinion on world events, she is able to express herself intelligently, tactfully and diplomatically. People come to her for good advice.
"She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness." She is an organized, energetic person who carries out her responsibilities.
"Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her." This woman is not a doormat, slavishly trying to appease and please her family, no matter how unreasonable their demands. She is honored in her home. Here we gain an insight into the character of her husband as well. He teaches their children to respect here and the virtues she personifies.
"Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." High praise for this extraordinary woman — a role model for women of all time.
"Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Here is the key to this woman's effectiveness. Her priorities are determined by God's will, not her own. She is concerned about what God thinks, rather than with what other people think. Physical beauty and clever conversation are admirable qualities. But if a woman's beauty and charm are the extent of her virtues, what happens when time and the trials of life take their toll? This woman does not depend on beauty and charm for her success. She recognizes her need for God.
"Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate." This woman is actively doing, not merely talking. She does not boast about her plans for the future or her successes of the past. They are obvious.

---

Does this woman sound too good to be true? Perhaps she is. The woman described here is an idealized woman, a composite of many capable women. After all, not all people have the same skills. Some women's strengths are in music or art. Others may be in mathematics, teaching or business. Some are better managers and organizers than others. While some women may excel at coming up with ideas, others may be more skilled at creating or producing what has been invented by someone else. No one excels at everything.
Some women work for several years after high school or college before marrying. Others, for one reason or another, do not marry at all. Does this mean that unmarried women cannot be Proverbs 31 women? No. Although this chapter describes a married woman, marriage and motherhood are not prerequisites for the successful Christian female's life. The essential characteristics of the Proverbs 31 woman can be applied to the the single woman, too.
The model woman described in Proverbs is a portrait of ideal womanhood. The focus of this portrait is a woman's relationship with God, not her specific abilities or marital status. The Proverbs 31 woman realizes that regardless of her natural talents or acquired skills, or all her accomplishments, her strength comes from God.
Who is a virtuous woman today? Proverbs 31 tells you that it is the woman who puts God first. The ideal woman of Proverbs 31 should encourage all women everywhere. Cultures change, but this woman's God-inspired character still shines brightly across the centuries.

Sheila Graham

Copyright © 2003

What to blog about??????

Well as you can see this is my first official blog. I have so many things I want to discuss I don't know where to begin. I thought I would just start out typing and see which direction I am led. I am a mother of 4 beautiful children. They keep me pretty busy. It has been just under 8 years since I lost the love of my life. I do not think I will ever find a replacement but I do pray that I gain the strength to at least start dating again. I may never feel love the way I did with him but just the idea of finding love is exciting enough. Ok so I am a proud Navy veteran. I wouldn't change that for the world. I think I am strong minded but not vain, I am confident but not overly so. I have strength but like most others I also have weaknesses. I am a normal person. I love life. I write poetry, songs and even some stories. I love to create things. I am very artsy and creative. My flow is not always the same as everyone else but it works for me. I have an outstanding circle of friends many of whom have seem war so they know when to take things seriously and when things are really not a big deal. I do not worry about what others have to say about me. And last but not least I have been diagnosed with lupus since April 2007. It is now in remission and for that I am grateful. Ok so this is my hodge podge of a blog. Maybe the next one will be centered on 1 topic. I am liable to discuss anything from fashion to politics to military to beliefs and who knows what all. Feel free to respond, agree, disagree or just engage yourself in whatever way you see fit. I welcome you all. Until next time, take care of you as I attempt to do the same. Peace!