The devil inside

I just returned home from watching this movie. I regret it. Wish I never went. That is all!

Just checking in!

Ok it's me again. I have had a very interesting week. I love to cook so I have been trying a bunch of new recipes. My food usually does not have a name because I make it up as I go. If I like it I cook it agin later if not it is scratched. I have a fantastic fruit salad that I stole form a vineyard in Venice. It was used to clear the palate between wine tastings, I actually added a few things and subtracted a few others and now it is actually a fav of mine and the family. I left home at the age od 14 a nerd and very book smart but not at all knowlegeable in the kitchen. When I started dating I would call my mom and she would walk me through meals as I attempted to cook them. As I matured and traveled with the military I experiened more foods that I wanted. I would try to recreate them and thus became a foodie. I really like watching coking shows I rarely get the opportunity because I am so busy with everything else life has handed me. I am very strong with the meal and salad but I can use a little help with the dessert side. I want to put together a cook book but will not do that until I have a dessert section. The church I attend has a potluck every other month and we have potlucks at well. So that allows me to "test" my foods on people and get their feedback. Why am I saying this, I have no idea but in the near future I will pos a few recipes that you have my permission to try, I only ask that you leave me feedback.Until next time, take care of you as I attempt to do the same. Peace!

He needs me to be his wife

This question is often asked,
What’s your favorite holiday?
Or for you which day of the week is the shit?

Never is it asked,
What is the one day in the year,
That you wish you could skip?

When asked about my holidays,
I sit and think over Christmas, New Years,
Thanksgiving and Halloween.

Veteran day and valentines day,
They even seem cool to me.

But then I realize the one day that I dread.
October 26,
That day sticks out in my head.

Defending my country, doing what I do…
When the Red Cross called my captain,
To tell me some bad news.

Is it my kids, oh my God what is wrong?
It couldn’t be Gary,
We just got off the phone.

Over to the Captains quarters,
I trot…almost ran.
Passing many officers,
I forgot to salute my hand.

Trying to stand in attention,
My heart is beating fast.
My body is shaking so badly,
I may just fall on my ass.

Gotta keep that military bearing,
Give that Captain his dues.
I couldn’t look him in his face,
I just stared at his shoes.

It was only about 20 seconds,
But it felt like a year.
He said “I have some news to tell you”
”That’s why I called you here”

He tells me he has gotten a call,
And Gary is dead.
Someone broke into our Florida home
And shot him in the head.

I have so many questions,
But I can’t say a word.
If I could be an animal,
I wish I could be a bird.

He releases me to go to my tent,
And gather up my things.
I’m trying to hold my composure,
But I keep looking at my ring.

He can’t be dead, he can’t be,
I need him in my life.
I need him to be my husband…
He needs me to be his wife.

Poetic Colab

From Mr. Matthew J Anders

I am the son ( sun ) descended along the heavens glare amongst the break of day end


shedding light from with in

dark florescent skin

where my soul essence present through out my pen

revising spiritual hems

along a pool of words

where I feel free to swim

diving in salt waters without fins

splashing substance purified along lakes coming forefront toward sins

where I drowned again & again

but still ressed to flow like wave currents
coming full surface objective to tsunami

pulling at force of wind

where I loose shape

crashed along this collision of trials & tribulations
where I took a fender bend


blessed along the grace of god where my fate rest with him

spoken with in emotion blind through out vision

set forth at distance like being far sited gaining closer
where it all depends like per scripted recommended ultra lens

along this chain of fire reaching higher

surpass barbwire

where statistics conquer an empire

strain behind bars & welfare to keep unemployed then hired

to bring judgment toward where fate requires

death falling in the hands of the electric chair to forever be marked a liar

like change can never result slain to forgive a man with out prosecution at slaughter like Michael Myers

spoken in the same breath as Tookie Williams

where became a changed man

but his verdict couldn't fall in the game plan of him ever seeing life again

trying to patch up past mistakes with fixed hands

but isn't life based off forgiving & forgetting

when it was pilgrims who robbed the Indians of there living

the holocaust that brought war raged comities

to our inner cities

taking a squat on ethnic mixing


where u wouldn't want your race to date out side of it

so stop the bullshitting

as we need to stop exterminating

unity relating

stereo typical views where you've been evaluating

pride set aside the hating

& put a halt at flat
where violence raging

to result to world war 3 in the making

tracing more of our troops stationed in Iraq

pacing foot steps awaiting

loosing patience

viewing patients

My response:

I much rather gleam among the night

I go away peacefully as you approach

My focus is that of the innocent soul

Where all longs for someone else to hold

Through fear of maybe getting to old

This life is no longer for the living

But more so focused on what and who is giving

Maybe the joy of totally flipping

As in losing your mind

Trying to find

The one that will be there and last a lifetime

Seeking sin to receive guilty pleasures

Excited beyond measures

But follows wherever

This mind will wander to a limitless end

Searching in darkness to find a friend

But to be true to self

Is to only be self

Not visible to the naked eye

Too many will start to cry

For the search is an endless one

Yet we live in this life of unprecedented crime

Where punishment is received but rarely is it prime

But in the skin of the dark

The truth is untouched

The past shall be paid in full

The legal lesson of course

Where authorities can brutally murder

And have no remorse

The basis of which is placed on four fathers

Or should I say fore-fathers

But whose fathers are these

The fathers of our nation

Not the father of this generation

Difference in skin and also beliefs

What then shall we say?

Is true ethics based?

He's Calling

I hear the phone ringing,
Should I answer?
What does he have to say this time?

WIll he seduce me into letting him in?
Will he tell me I'm the only one?
Or will he just tell the same old lies again?

Why is my heart so weak for this man?
Why is it so easy for me to run,
In the same direction that caused so much pain?

Am I crazily asking to hurt again?

Should I answer or not, what should I do?

I can't make a decision I'm asking you.

Help me....

He's calling.

Racquel (Kel) Gilbert

Copyright 1993 All right reserved

A Mommy's Prayer

Dear Lord, It's such a hectic day,

With little time to stop and pray,

For Life's been anything but calm,

Since You called me to be a Mom,

Running errands, matching socks,

Building dreams with matching blocks,

Cooking, cleaning, finding shoes,

And other stuff that children lose,

Fitting lids on bottled bugs,

Wiping tears and giving hugs,

A stack of last week's mail to read,

So where's the quiet time I need?

Yet, when I steal a moment, Lord,

Just at the sink or ironing board,

To ask the blessings of Your grace,

I see them, in my small one's face,

That you have blessed me

All the while --

And I stoop to kiss

That precious smile.

~~ Author Unknown ~~

Start All over Again!

Start All Over Again
my heart is sending out signals of distress, for it longs to be in love
my soul is singing out a song of liberation, for it longs to be free
longing
wanting
wanting to love and to be loved freely
free from guilt
free from hurt
free from uncertainty
free from lies
unrestricted
the kind of love depicted in fairy tales
I hear that even the most masculine males, long for this
throwing loose change into wishing wells
wishing to find my best friend
don't wanna hold any more secrets
just holding hands
while taking long walks
engaging in long talks
sharing long lasting love making
where entangled together, our bodies move until we stop
and with no more energy to spare, ...we,.... just lie there
holding each other so tight our breaths become one
our hearts so close, together they make a beat for our souls to dance to
I wanna wipe away tears of pain and of joy
because in life there will be both
growing old with someone
taking the good with the bad
laughing about the times we had
looking forward to the ones to come
but right now,... numb is my heart
it feels nothing but sadness
sadness for the love I had that was taken away
sadness for the mistakes
even sadness for not taking advantage of the opportunity I have right now
and this is were freedom comes in
i have to make myself free to mourn
free to have these feelings of regret
i need the freedom to say to myself it's okay for me cry
it's okay to feel like everything is falling apart around me
and when all the destruction is over
it's okay to pick up the pieces and start all over again
it's okay to still show the scars of the past
but wear them not in shame but as amour
for it shows that my heart and my soul are not weak
and that even through the hurt
even through the pain
even through the longing
and the wanting
they are still there,
intact
and willing to pick up the pieces and love all over again.